No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
