when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
