I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
