the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
