u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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