it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
