My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
