I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
