I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
two words: eviction party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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