So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
