did you get engaged???
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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