a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
