So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
