You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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