White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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