My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
