Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
