no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
