fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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