did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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