Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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