Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
