I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
