you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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