So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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