my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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