The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
