Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
porn star boner night. come get it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
