stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
