hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
