On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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