My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
