and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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