Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm both gender and math confused
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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