The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
