My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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