Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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