did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
