Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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