she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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