you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
