and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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