you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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