I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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