Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
