$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
