I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
