doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
