It was confusing and full of hummus
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating