remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
