hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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