At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
