so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
