im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This toilet bowl is my home.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
