the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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