"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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