yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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