He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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