You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
