Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
