My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's never too late to be topless.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
