is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
