Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
