Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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