i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
