please come you make the beer taste better
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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