just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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