They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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