You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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