How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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