i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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