i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
vagina is talking i cant
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Is it penis luge time yet?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
