Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
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She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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