you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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