I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hippo gnu deer
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
