Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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