Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
