what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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