planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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