Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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